1 day ago
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Shake...Rattle...Roll...That was the exact instructions given to burp, discipline, and change the diaper of the spawn. Tonight we took our final parenting class. It was called “How to Insure a Long Prison Sentence and Baby Care Basics”.
I thought the teacher did a fantastic job except on more than one occasion she YAWWWWNNNNEDDDD while teaching (by the way, the class agreed she needed dental work). It concerned me that the person giving us instructions on how to care for a small, defenseless, precious, newly birthed baby could barely form one complete sentence without someone yelling “clear” and affixing paddles to her chest. It also concerned me that the guy sitting in front of us still had the tag attached to his ball cap. I was completely fixated on that and I am sure that during some crucial moment when the baby is puking or pooping or plotting to overthrow the world, I will only remember the stupid tag on the guy’s hat and not remember that you are supposed to burp it, cork it, or beat it. Just kidding…I would never burp my child.